S4 E4: Coping Mechanisms We Do NOT Recommend

A Scary Month And A Goodbye

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome to Jerkin Around, a podcast that makes you feel better about yourself because we're a mess just like you. And Crystal makes fun of you. And it's great and it's real. There's so much to catch up on. I know. It wasn't that great of a month, to be honest, for me. No. I'm trying to be funny, but uh. Things have been pretty crappy. I'm all. Things have been pretty crappy. It's been nuts with my mom. She almost died. We all said goodbye. She said the nicest things to you. I know. Do you want to tell everyone?

SPEAKER_05 0:46

It's kind of weird because it's like, I feel like this is in a weird place. It's not. It's kind of weird because yes, she said all the goodbye and then she's still here, so now it's all along. Did you mean it? No. And then it's like, when it really does happen, is she gonna resay it?

SPEAKER_04 0:59

Maybe she'll say something new. Yeah. She told you really nice things about it. I know, she did. She said you're a really good mom despite your attitude. No, she didn't say that. No, despite your circumstances, you really did it. It was so cute. I know.

SPEAKER_05 1:09

She's like, I was proud of you, and I don't hear that a lot, you know. So that was nice. Like I didn't hear that going up. Yeah, that was nice. It was very strange.

SPEAKER_04 1:17

She really meant it. It was like God, though. She was talking like it wasn't even her. It was sad. And then she told me to take care of you. I know. That was when is that gonna start? I'm not doing that. No, you're doing that a lot. Tisha does a lot for me, a lot. It's but yeah, it's been absolutely crazy. So it hasn't been that funny, but here we are. Yeah. So my mom was dying. She almost died. She had a heart attack. She had a heart attack, a bad one. We were all in the hospital till like two in the morning. I have the best friends. They all showed up. Um, and it was crazy. We had fun though in the hospital. So all my best friends from high school, we're all still best friends. We cheered together, and it's been awesome. They've all showed up for my mom the last couple weeks. And it's great because it's without asking, which people like when people go through hard times, we always say this. Yes. You just show up. You do the thing that your mind is telling you not to do.

SPEAKER_05 2:04

Well, sometimes it's awkward because you're like, Am I overstepping? What do I do? Yes. But I think it's always better to overstep and do too much than to not do enough. And everyone always likes that.

Emotional Eating And Emotional Gambling

SPEAKER_04 2:13

Like I was telling, I think I was telling you. Like, people always are like, What do you want to get for food? I'll get you something. It's like, no, just send food. Yeah. It doesn't even matter if you eat it. Like, we're in the hospital. That was like funny. We were in the hospital sitting on the floor, eating Cheesecake Factory. Yeah. And I just ordered a bunch of food. Right. And it wasn't like we wanted any of it, but we weren't going to say no. Right. You know, and like everybody just showed up. They never asked, should we come? Could we come? Like Kendall, as soon as she heard she got there that day, and then we went to the food trucks. A lot of emotional eating, though, lately for me. And then I feel like you're doing it with me, you know, like a companion. I know. It's horrible. It's very emotional. I know. And I'm going to stop doing that now that we're talking about it. First step is admitting it. Yeah, we're proud of you.

SPEAKER_05 2:54

Yeah. I've been doing it too, and I've been emotionally gambling. I'm like taking on your weird habits.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

Yeah. And I'm not taking on your starving habits. Yeah. Tina loves to starve herself. I'm not like ever since you're in high school, you would eat like once a week. It works. It does.

SPEAKER_05 3:10

The starving, starving splurge.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

That's why like I told her to know.

SPEAKER_05 3:14

She gambles more than I do now. Everyone. Well, so this is the problem. So we have this tradition. It's not, it's not like a weekly thing. It's a big thing. Sometimes bi-weekly, sometimes multiple times a week. Yeah. You went twice a week? I did. So we're doing this thing where we go to Morton's. Which is so good, by the way. If you haven't had Morton's Steakhouse, it's weirdly good. And I like have been to a lot of steakhouses.

SPEAKER_04 3:36

Yeah, we are like steakhouse people. Totally.

SPEAKER_05 3:38

And Ruth Crest is always my number one because I love the salad. But the salad at Morton's is comparative. The bread is groundbreaking. It's the best bread I've ever had. We sit in the bar. So, anyways, Morton's is at the casino. So the new casino. Half the time, I don't even want the casino, but I want Morton's. And then it's the purple drink. Something, yeah, the blackberry margarita. It's the best drink on the planet. But it's like I can't, I eat and then I drink, and I don't even drink, but I like the drink. I've been drinking there too, and I don't drink. And then we go out and gamble. And then I had a drink or two. So then I'm normally I'm really frugal when I gamble. If I'm losing. Should we go do that after this? No. If I'm losing a hundred, I'm like, I'm done. Now with the drink in me, I'm losing way more than a hundred. It's like horrible. Like, I gotta get it in check. So I'm first step is admitting it. Yeah, and I am way past. But like, why am I emotionally eating?

Why Hospital Choice Really Matters

SPEAKER_04 4:30

Like, she's not my mom. Like, she's like, your mom. And it is exhausting because then I get exhausted and I call you upset. Yeah. Then you're upset with me. Yeah. And I'm calling you like 12 times a day right now. Yeah. Tisha's been there with me like every day. Tisha was in the room. They had to have like 50 talks in the conference room with me. Yeah. So she's in the hospital at Mayo. By the way, all hospitals are not created equal. We went to, I'm just saying all the names, Boswell, and it was so bad. My friend is a doctor, I'm not going to say who. And she was like, this is bad. No one effing knows what they're doing here. It was that bad. And it really, really matters. I think people, when they haven't been to somewhere like Mayo, they don't understand how much better their care can be.

SPEAKER_05 5:08

Well, I literally told Ben after that night, I was like, if something happens, take me to Mayo. If I die in the car on the way there because it's too far, I don't care. I'm the same. Take me there. I never want to be in what I saw.

SPEAKER_04 5:20

It was awful. It was she was literally about to code before you got there. She's like, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. And the doctors didn't even come in. The nurse didn't know what to do. My friend was telling everyone what to do. She put gloves on at one point. My mom in the ambulance on the way there had puked all over herself and peed because her body was like physically shutting down. And they were leaving her with chunks and gonna put the CPAP mask on her. And my friend cleaned her all up, did everything. And luckily, we got her transferred to mail at like 2 a.m. So we were all there till 2 a.m. laughing with her. These are some of like as sad as this time has been, it's been like really eye-opening to me too. Yeah, she was fun even in that.

SPEAKER_05 5:58

Remember, she was laughing about the immobile.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

She was laughing with her mask on. I think it all the time though. We always say, like, what you say matters. Did we tell that story last year? No, we told it to a lot of people.

SPEAKER_05 6:10

Oh, I can't, I lose track. It's like a staple story now.

SPEAKER_04 6:13

Yeah, Tisha called me immobile. No, it was rude.

SPEAKER_05 6:16

It didn't mean it that way.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

We we've now got I am immobile. But now, like, you remember how we talk about the mind? Like, I'm a championship coach. Now I'm immobile. Like, all we can both knees hurt. Hudson's like, mom, like, come on. I'm like, and Hudson and I we stayed at like a we had a two-story room because it was like one of Kyle's high-up points. And so I couldn't like go down the stairs. And I kept saying, Hudson, I really am immobile now. It's like what you say matters. Now I'm a tri-athlet, you know? Yeah. So I was immobile. And it's a rude thing to say to me. She hasn't been very nice to me. She recently. And it's like, no, I joke sometimes. Like, I'm gonna tell you guys now because this is an intervention. No. She is so bossy to me lately. Everything they say, she acts like I'm a retard. No, that's a really bad thing to say. I know. You shouldn't say that word. That's offensive. I didn't. You're gonna get canceled. I'm already canceled. I've been long canceled. No, I don't act like that. No. Tisha's recently newly the president of the booster club for cheer. So now she thinks she's the president of me. No, it's so dumb. She's doing a really good job though. That's fine. It's really stressful. Yeah, but let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_05 7:25

No, it's not stressful. It's just getting things going. I think anything when you're first starting out is a little bit, you know, like creating systems and all that. It just can get a little like, oh, what are we doing? So, but it's great.

SPEAKER_04 7:38

Do you think you have some systems? I think systems change people's lives. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:41

We're getting there.

SPEAKER_04 7:42

I feel like work, we have really good systems. Yeah. That's why it works really well. Totally.

SPEAKER_05 7:46

But yeah. Yeah. And will you you run your OnlyFans really smartly? I don't. No one wants it. They'd be like the immobile cheer coach. There's people that fetishes. Have you? By the way, my feed is full of immobile. I think it's because my phone hears me saying immobile, immobile to you. How many times are you telling me this? I'm just asking you to call me a triathlete. And us telling me storying it. And us telling the story. No, and us telling the story. I think my oh my God, it's like girls gone wild. And us telling the story. I think my phone is like now sending me immobile people. So there's like this whole, like, it's like a fetish. Guys that like want immobile girls. And they like, oh, this one guy, she's like on the porch. It's like my 600-pound life or whatever. She's on the porch. And she's like lifting up her like, her like fat, like, um, not they're not even rolls, they're like hangs, flap, flaps, and he's like hosing them off, like spraying them. Yeah. And I get so many in my feed. It's like weird. What is wrong? Yeah, but and then the guy's like, yeah, I'm worried if she loses weight, she's not gonna need me anymore. And I'm like thinking to myself, like, so there, I think an immobile cheer coach might, you might hit a whole job.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

Talking about me like this.

SPEAKER_05 9:01

I am mobile and a triathlete. And you don't have that. No.

SPEAKER_04 9:06

Are you is this trying to help me right now? What the heck is happening? No. Your feed is weird though. I haven't seen the girl that said what I ate in a day as a fat girl. Dunkin' in the milk, the milk and I hate the milk. You're ruining the donut. I know. I hate that. I haven't seen that. Your donut gets hard when it's cold. I have a lot of like, I'm in a calorie deficit, and this is how I've lost 200 pounds. Yeah, it's my whole feed. Yeah. I watch them all every time.

SPEAKER_05 9:29

I have a lot of um the fruit and veggies that are cheating on each other. So my friend, what? Kara, you haven't seen those? No. I'm gonna send you one. Oh, they're so weird. So they're cartoons, like AI cartoons, and it's like a skit, and it's like a like a broccoli, but it's a person, and then like he's dating like a strawberry. And then he's like, This is stupid. He walks out of the room, and then she's banging a banana, and then he's like having they're and he's like, and then she's like, Oh no, I'm pregnant. And then they're in the hospital, and she like pops out a banana, and then he's like, How can you do this to me? And then he like machine gun, like blows it up the room, and they're fruits and vegetables, and it's so weird. And Kara sent it to me once, and now my whole feet is full of them. I think this sounds stupid. Oh, it's horrible, and they're weird, but then I watch them and then they keep coming up. Oh so I got the fat people, I got the fruits and vegetables cheating on each other. It's like, I go, I just need to close my account at this point and get a new account with like normal things.

SPEAKER_04 10:27

You're not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_05 10:28

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 10:29

No, I the there is some good stuff on there though. I love TikTok. TikTok and Peacock. Yeah, those Peacock is where all Bravo shows are. Oh, yeah, yeah. So TikTok and Peacock and some gambling. That's what I do on my phone. Yeah. But um, I was gonna tell you something about that. The feed. Oh, do you watch the airline stuff? Because I just saw the best one the other day and I wasn't scared to fly at all. It said that you're more likely to win the lottery than have an incident on a plane. Oh, and there's never been any damage done to a plane through turbulence. Like, no one, like it didn't cause the plane to crash. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, oh yeah. Yeah. Logic. You're still not believing it. Yeah, I still feel like, oh shit, I'm falling. Yeah. But when you went, so I'm driving with Hudson the other day and on our trip, and I had to get off an exit and I went one lane over, which is very normal. She said, Mom, Tisha goes four lanes over.

SPEAKER_05 11:18

You know, and then with Hudson, I'm not gonna drive her anymore if she's gonna tell me.

SPEAKER_04 11:22

Why aren't you scared of that? It was one time that does cause an accident.

SPEAKER_05 11:24

It was one time, and I was trying to get him there before I was I picked up her kids from school, and I was trying to get him there before your mom went into the calf lab. So I was driving a little around. Four lanes. I was worried Kyle was gonna see and call me because he monitors our life 360.

SPEAKER_04 11:39

Yeah, she's going 95 and he's like, tell teacher to slow down.

SPEAKER_05 11:42

She should completed a dangerous drive or whatever. A risky, risky drive.

SPEAKER_04 11:46

Yeah, it tells me that about my sister-in-law all the time, Kara. She's always completing a risky drive.

SPEAKER_05 11:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:50

And I tell her, she's like, I didn't do anything.

SPEAKER_05 11:52

Yeah, right. No, but it doesn't, it doesn't lie. But you know what? When CJ did get in a car accident, it's never telling me he's doing a risky drive. So Wait, it didn't alert you? Yeah. And I'm never getting an accident.

SPEAKER_04 12:02

When he got in an accident, it didn't alert you. No. I thought it's supposed to. No. The Tesla. She called me. Oh, the Tesla? My sister-in-law just got in a car accident and the Tesla called my brother. Yeah. And said bad accident. Oh shoot. And the Tesla called 911. And over the speaker in the car, it was 911.

SPEAKER_05 12:17

Well, you know those that um those people that got in the car accident on Lake Pleasant, um in the carefree highway for the volleyball player. The I think it called the or the mom saw it on the phone and then called. Isn't that horrible? Yeah, but no, it didn't do that when CJ and he hit hard, like totaled our car, totaled the car in front of him. That's crazy. He was going like I think 40, 45, and he hit without a brake, no brakes.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

Um light breaking. We can't tell what's happening with that.

SPEAKER_05 12:48

What with the suing? Oh no. Well, yeah. Be careful. Be careful who you drive in cars with. Because they might Kyle always says that. They might fake it. I always think of 902 and oh. Do you remember 902 and oh back in the day? Brenda hit that guy, that lady, and then the lady was like wearing the the neck thing. Remember 902.0? The best show ever.

SPEAKER_04 13:10

I don't remember this.

SPEAKER_05 13:10

Brenda went to go bring her flowers and the lady's like doing like aerobics, and then Brenda's like knocking on the door, you know? So yeah, it was similar to that. We'll just say that.

SPEAKER_04 13:20

Okay. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, I was just gonna tell you something about There's a lot of like ambulance chasers.

SPEAKER_05 13:27

I think that's a thing these days. Rafi or whatever. Is he the yeah?

SPEAKER_04 13:30

He's yeah, I see his billboards a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, be careful. Speaking of which, our kids are getting jobs. Yeah. Mine got one. She cried a lot about it. She's gonna be mad. But we I luckily had a friend, my nail guy is a good friend of mine. So I text him and he's like, Yeah, have her come in the next day. So she cried, cried after that. I mean, this is really bad. Yeah. But it's really good for her because she'll work a whole day and get like 50 bucks, and then realize that's like one day of out to eats for them. Yeah. And you just put your daughter on a budget.

SPEAKER_05 14:02

Yeah, well, so she's asking for money every day. And I mean, it ranges from something little like$5, which is still a lot, because I don't even spend that always every day. Like, and then it can sometimes be a Chipotle, which is now like crazy expensive,$20. And then she'll be like, and then we're going here. So then, oh, nails, pedicure, or we're going to the mall. I'm like, no, no. So it's I realize it was too much. So I'm like, okay, you're getting a job. And then your daughter affected her because she used to want to get a job, and then now she's crying.

SPEAKER_04 14:34

Oh that's just answer. Hey mom. I'm recording the podcast. Like we remember we just talked about that? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

But I didn't know what time you were doing. Oh, right now. Oh, okay. Well, would you call me after that? I try to call George, and he's already on his way home.

SPEAKER_04 14:58

What do you want me to call you for? Oh she's in a rehab.

SPEAKER_05 15:06

Oh yeah. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_04 15:08

It was an accident. Hang on.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Animals, Hudson.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

I'm on the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Oh, can I say hi to them? Yeah, you're live. Hi, podcast.

SPEAKER_04 15:20

Okay, what's up?

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Um, can I get the scene of a gift for you?

SPEAKER_04 15:25

It's like what we just talked about. A gift for you. Oh, I like how she throws that in. Yes, mom, I'm still on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

I know, but you were trying to tell me something.

SPEAKER_04 15:33

What do you need me to call you for?

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Well, I I just thought you'd be with me. I'm just here sitting in this room.

SPEAKER_04 15:39

Mom, I I'm not gonna be with you. You're fine in the room. No one's coming to take you or touch you unless you want them to. Do you want someone to come touch you? Yeah. She said yeah. Wait, for real?

SPEAKER_03 16:07

You're looking for something. Are you gonna do therapy today?

SPEAKER_04 16:13

She's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

No, no, we're gonna get people for that about me.

SPEAKER_04 16:16

No, they're coming. They're coming. Just be careful. If they start putting gloves on, you know they're gonna be touching something.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

They're not putting gloves on. This is like the homeless one. What am I doing?

Life Support Decisions And Family Duty

SPEAKER_04 16:26

Okay, I love you. I gotta go. She's so funny. What am I doing here? So we get I get about 12 of those a day. Oh, like 25. It's so frustrating. I feel bad for her. So we really almost lost her. We really almost lost her. Everybody came to say goodbye. We prayed over her. The kids miss work. And then all of a sudden, so she was on these pressers that keep you alive. And I guess when you're on them, it's not really like as likely you're gonna come off of them. And it's really hard when you do all this because she wants to be resuscitated. And not that we don't want her to be, but the her life would be really bad. Her quality of life. Yeah. So it's really hard because we don't. Well, we have medical power of attorney now, but we don't have complete power of attorney. And then she was begging to be resuscitated and intubated, but my brother and I really didn't want to do that. It's really hard. Making those decisions is really hard. Right. So then we took her off the pressers thinking something might happen. Like I fully woke up.

SPEAKER_05 17:30

Well, it's not a long-term solution to be in the IC.

SPEAKER_04 17:33

And they told us in the room that she would die if we took her off the pressers, like within hours.

SPEAKER_05 17:38

That happened to my mom, though. And they said if she left the hospital and didn't do this medication, she would be dead in six months, and she lived five years. I know. Well, so the will to live is very strong.

SPEAKER_04 17:47

Yeah, I know, but financially, I mean, we can't have this strong of a will. Well, so now my brother, she's lived with my brother for how long have I been married?

SPEAKER_05 17:55

Since like Ken was born before. Yeah, when like Kyle and I got married. 16 years. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:58

17. Yeah. 16 years. Because Maddie's 16.

unknown 18:03

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 18:03

Yeah. So she's lived with my brother and my dad, and now it's just a lot for them. Her medication is tricky, and and my brother travels a lot. So we thought we were like saying goodbye, and this is it. Yeah. And and and I remember saying to you, like, the only good thing is now we don't have to worry about this summer. I know we can't. But it's the truth. This is the truth. If anyone has elderly parents, they might feel like this too.

SPEAKER_05 18:29

It is hard to really her whole life's on hold.

SPEAKER_04 18:32

Because we're like, how are we both gonna go out of town? Who's gonna take care of her? I can't even get a dog because I'm scared of this. Yeah. So now I'm comparing my mom to a dog, but it's just really hard because she's very confused, if you can't tell, but not all the time confused. It's weird. She takes some pain pills. We think that messes with her. She'll never listen to this podcast. No. And her friends don't can't work the electronics as well. No. So, anyways, we found a like independent living home for her. So she came with assistance to help with her medication. So it's like a but then financially, she doesn't really have anything. So, like, how who's responsible? Like, does anyone have this situation? So, like, Dr. Laura, you know how much I love Dr. Laura. She always says that your parents' problems are not your problems. Like, don't own them. If they didn't prepare for this stage of life, don't bail them out. But then at this point, she's like, not all there.

SPEAKER_05 19:21

So it's like and like in other cultures, like it's really weird, but when we went on our Alaskan cruise, we had an Uber driver in Vancouver and he was from India. And he was talking to us, and he was like, Yeah, I just bought a house with my brother. And he was like, It's so crazy expensive here. Like, we could I couldn't afford to do it on my own. And then he was telling me how in India, like, you're you take care of your family. Like, yeah, it's not a thing. You don't like there's no homes. He said, America is so like self-focused, and it's just not like that in other cultures around the world. Like, you just take care of your family, it's what you do.

SPEAKER_04 20:00

So you're saying I shouldn't put her in there.

SPEAKER_05 20:01

Well, no, I'm just saying I think the American culture is very focused on us, and it's like, yeah, our parents aren't our problem, but it's hard. She called on again. Yes, this is my life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:11

Mom, I'm still on the podcast.

SPEAKER_05 20:13

Um so I don't know, it's hard because I do think like yeah, there has to be a balance.

SPEAKER_04 20:22

Well, since she was like your mom can then, can you take her? Yeah. No, but for real, would you do that? No.

SPEAKER_05 20:29

I mean, I if she had to, I'm not gonna let her be alone, but you she has you guys, so uh, we're okay. No, but for real. But like Ben's parents, like if something happened, like I feel like I couldn't just be like, see ya, but I don't know. It's really like it's it's hard when it's I've not been in this position that you're in. It's hard. It's really hard. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:47

So we thought about taking her in and then like moving the kids and doing all this, but but I don't think it should disrupt.

SPEAKER_05 20:55

Like again, if you had an extra room, it'd be different. But like, I don't know, moving the like who's gonna share room. I mean, it's a lot.

SPEAKER_04 21:04

It's a lot. It's hard to make these decisions. I feel bad for her. She's never lived alone, so it's like an apartment style, but I'm hoping she'll make a boy find a boyfriend. She does think she's dating Elon Musk.

SPEAKER_05 21:14

Well, she needs she's still like with it to where she wants to like have a life. She's like social, so that's where I feel like this is a good place to be.

SPEAKER_04 21:22

Like for real.

SPEAKER_05 21:24

Yeah, she's not dating Elon.

SPEAKER_04 21:25

No, she told me he doesn't know any of this. You heard her say that I know he doesn't know I'm here. Do you think and then she thinks if she does the apartment real cute, he'll come there.

SPEAKER_05 21:32

Yeah, but she's gonna find out. He's not coming.

SPEAKER_04 21:34

I know. When he was here for Charlie Kirk's funeral, he didn't even come see us.

SPEAKER_05 21:39

He didn't. Did you see the I saw the AI photo and it's all Marion, I miss you. And then, or it's just that I miss you, and it was like Elon holding it. It's like obviously AI. It's so sad. If I'm oh my gosh, I got every old person become really gullible.

Scams, Body Image, And TikTok

SPEAKER_04 21:53

Yeah, well, I feel like I am. So I'm watching, you're gonna die. I'm stomach. I'm watching the reunion. For Beverly Hills Housewives and Kathy Hilton, who I think is so funny. She's probably on drugs herself, but she's so funny. She said she couldn't fit in her reading and gest because she's super bloated because she did the Jell O diet. She goes, Everyone's doing it. Oprah, Dr. Oz. Remember, I sent it to you and Julia and Kara and said, Julia, is this real? Oh yeah. The Jell O. It's like you put like baking soda and Jell O and like apple cider vinegar together, and it's like Kelly Clarkson and like, oh, this is the best I remember. I said it to Julie, I was like, should I try this? Wait, she did it? She did it and it made her so sick. Oh, that's crazy. And they're like, she's like, no, it's Dr. Oz. This is Kathy.

SPEAKER_05 22:42

Well, maybe I'll try it. Like, you know me. I'll try anything.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

Yeah, well, I was gonna try it, but Kathy Hilton fell for it.

SPEAKER_05 22:47

Isn't that funny? Oh, I fall. Oh, here's mommy's girl. Put it up. My text won't work. What happened? It's working. We're we're recording. Sorry. She wants me to take her Snapchat off. She had attitude last night, so. Oh, good. We're not doing that. We're gonna get your attitude around.

SPEAKER_04 23:05

So what are you telling her now?

SPEAKER_05 23:07

I said it's working. Like I got her text. She said my text is not working. She's probably trying to text me to take my snap. Oh, it's working. Yeah, not yet. No, she's I'm done with the attitude. Yeah, exactly. Action. Exactly. I'm not gonna fight with you.

SPEAKER_04 23:22

I'm just gonna turn it off. Yeah, I was thinking that the other day. I was at um we were at Nationals. I was at Summit. Answer. She's calling. Answer on the speaker. Hello?

SPEAKER_02 23:31

Can you please turn on the time on it?

SPEAKER_05 23:33

Honey, you had a bad attitude last night.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Um please, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

I know, but we gotta make a change. We can't just it's like happy gilmo. I hate you. I love you, baby. I'm sorry. Like we gotta make a change.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

Okay, I promise you.

SPEAKER_05 23:46

Okay, well, when I see the change, I'll turn it on. I love you.

SPEAKER_02 23:53

Yeah, they are.

SPEAKER_05 23:54

I got your text.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

It's a green. Oh.

SPEAKER_05 23:58

Sometimes the service is bad at school. Okay, love you. Okay, love you. This is so annoying. Will she call back? Probably. I don't know. No, she'll just start texting me. Please, please, you know. Will you cave? No, eventually, but not right now. Not until the end of the day. I'm not there yet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:20

Yeah, you don't care that much. And she's not even home, so it's not affecting you. Yeah, totally. Get to school.

SPEAKER_05 24:25

Yeah, do get yourself right. Why do you need it at school? You're at school. I don't think they do anything there. Like you're bleeding Maddie.

SPEAKER_04 24:31

Maddie, she just called me and said, we're not doing anything. Can we please go to lunch? I feel like this is the time of year they do do stuff. Because it's like the finals. Well, I feel like they have like a few projects. Yeah. Um, and and like free like group projects, you know. And they're doing that.

SPEAKER_05 24:46

Yeah. What were we talking about?

SPEAKER_04 24:47

No, it was something the jello diet. Yeah, no, I'll try anything.

SPEAKER_05 24:50

No, like I'm not sure. Yeah. Well, no, if it's clearly like that's not gonna work, but some things I feel like So speaking of the shaker, everybody told me it was a great thing.

SPEAKER_04 25:02

Yeah, I have anything lately.

SPEAKER_05 25:04

Well, that's what I'm saying. I knew you weren't getting done. I got I've been busy. I'm gonna shake.

SPEAKER_04 25:07

The washer. Where's the washer?

SPEAKER_05 25:09

No, I oh no, that's what's in my feed. So it's these people that are like overweight and old looking, and then they're like, me before divorce, and then it's like Oh, I have that. Me after divorce. Yeah, I'm like, they're doing it. And they look amazing. And she's like at 57, and then she's like, I I don't, I never got Botox, and her face, it's not like she just lost weight, like her face is all no wrinkles, but I'm falling for it. So it's all comment on here if you want. Yeah, so I was like, you know, but like send me all the things. I want all the things to look and feel better. What is it? I don't know. She hasn't sent it to me yet. Well, that sucks. I know. I just did it this morning, but yeah, I want to show her. How much weight do you want to lose? Well, I don't feel like there's ever you can't be too skinny. You're tiny. You can't be too skinny. It's like having too much money in the bank.

SPEAKER_04 25:57

You know, no, you can be too skinny.

SPEAKER_05 25:59

Well, they're like anorexic, but I'm not gonna get there. But like I feel like we're close. No, I love you for saying that. That's so nice, but no.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

You have such dysmorphia.

SPEAKER_05 26:08

Yeah, no, but like it's like having too much money in the bank.

SPEAKER_04 26:10

Like, yeah, and I agree. Most people that have too much money in the bank get divorced and their life is ruined. There is a thing.

SPEAKER_05 26:16

Who doesn't? That's not having me. No, Jen and I were on a hike the other day, and we're I was like, Yeah, I think maybe too much money could because you see all these celebrities that get too much money and then they get divorced, or they, you know, and then I was like, but God, I'll try it. You know, like I don't think that would happen to me. Ben and I wouldn't have like bless me with too much money, I'll show you I will not get divorced. You know? Ben and I would never get divorced.

Kids Get Jobs And Budgets

SPEAKER_04 26:41

No one that gets divorced thinks they will, though. Yeah. No, Kyle Richards and Mauricio, they're like, we know the reality curse, it'll never happen to us. It did. Yeah, but when you're dating a girl, that happens, you know? Like, but you never know. I'm not doing that. Most people don't, I don't think they ever think it could happen to them. Yeah. Like I see that a lot. Yeah, no, I agree. Of people I didn't think it would happen to, and it happens to. Yeah. So stop saying that. Okay. No, I do think though, you chase I say this all the time, you chase money, you chase all those things to find happiness. We're watching this. I'm watching. Have you watched Beef on Netflix? No. It's a weird title. It's like it's so weird. No, you would like it because it's like a weird comedy, like dark. Yeah. But it's um, it's like the first season, this girl gets cut off and she's pissed. So then she chases the guy, and then this whole like problem happens. Cut off from what? Like driving. And then she chases the guy, and then the guy's rich, and then she like, you know, when you like make a few bad decisions and then it just keeps going. Oh shoot, yeah. It's like a story, but it's like you can't believe the things they're doing. Yeah. It's so it's like funny, but like intense. Yeah. So last night's um, or the new season, these there's this like big party, and the head guy leaves his wallet, and then the people go to bring him his wallet, and him and his wife are fighting. But it at the party the night before, they're the rich couple. She's like, I'm so blessed to have my husband. They kiss on stage. He's the um the head of this country club. Yeah. And it was like this like night to celebrate how successful they are. And they are the perfect couple on stage, and then they go home and they're fighting like bad, like with a um golf club, cussing, like it looked like it was abusive, but it was not all the way, just it was very bad. And the people the workers videoed them fighting. Oh shit. And they're the country club, like big thing. Is it her again? And so um they use that video as blackmail for her because the girl has no health insurance. Oh, gotcha. And she has this fibroid cyst and needs health insurance to get it's kind of like breaking bad when all of a sudden you're like, she had to kill him, you know?

SPEAKER_06 28:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:43

She needs insurance to have the surgery or she'll never have kids. Yeah. So they blackmail the couple and say, we're gonna share this video unless you give her a promotion. But one lie turns into many lies. And it shows how this couple, they have everything on the outside, but inside it's all broken. Yeah. Because they're chasing the fame and success. No, it's true. It happily fly hot. I'm not saying you, I'm saying many people. Like you're you're chasing the wrong things, thinking money's gonna be the answer. When many people have what you have already.

SPEAKER_05 29:09

Oh, I'm happy. Yeah, I'm not not happy, I'm super happy and very grateful. But if I were to become filthy rich, I'm not mad about it.

SPEAKER_04 29:22

I'm just being honest. Yeah, that's so funny because it doesn't do anything for me, the filthy rich. Oh, really? Yeah, like it doesn't. I think I just grew up where like a lot of people around my parents had a lot of money and I saw a lot of things happen in their lives. So I like really don't see that as like the end. But like my parents' marriage, so many people admire that more than their friends of theirs that had money. So I think I've just like really learned that that isn't everything. Yeah, but you can have both. I don't know who has both. Like filthy rich, tell me someone. Like Jeff Ben's been whatever, he got filthy rich, and now he's married to a 20-year-old and he ruined his whole family. But they were providing for the family. Yeah. And four kids. Now he never sees. Yeah. So, like, is that really the life? Right. So he has yachts and this and that, but like at the end of the day, circling back to watching my mom and being at the hospital when your mom's dying, your perspective is so different. Like, it doesn't matter. You fast forward her whole life, like your legacy is your ending.

SPEAKER_06 30:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:23

And like what, like, I remember, I think I told you one day I went on a walk and I just prayed and thanked her for all the things. Because I think everybody has issues with their parents. I've had some things, you know. My my mom, she'll hopefully never listen to this, but she really prided herself on looks. Like it was really a big priority. My mom did too. And my brother and I both have struggles with eating because we were never allowed to have treats. And it was always like, you know, we always will joke, but like if we eat bad, she's mad at us, or like she's disgust. Like, there was always like kind of a vibe that she was like disgusted by us because we weren't like what she wanted. Like, lookwise. Like, I remember this is dark and hard, but one time, um, I think I told the story. We were at a game, and my mom pointed to the girl with the bow and the cute dress and said, I wish that sometimes I wish that girl was my daughter. Yeah. And I just like never forgot it. Like, I just, it was so. So we all have our things, right?

SPEAKER_05 31:16

Like, my mom, you know, like my brothers always. Well, that to me is a statement of someone like an indicator of someone who has their own issues. Yeah, but they don't think like you would never think like that about your kids, even if they were. My point is parents affect their kids. I'm not saying I'm like. I my kids are very don't have food issues. I don't feel like you'll well, no, but just in anything. I don't feel like you're really screwing your kids up at all.

SPEAKER_04 31:40

Well, I don't think any parent thinks they are, though.

SPEAKER_05 31:41

Yeah, I feel like I am kind of, but really? I don't think you're being nasty, yeah. Well, I like I get done and then I can be really rude. I I'm not the nicest saying, like I don't always, I'm not a gentle parent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

No, and I I don't think I'm always gentle, but I do, I think because, and maybe you didn't have this, but like my parent, like my mom and I had word fights. And those, like even what I just said, she said, I don't forget, and she might have just been mad at me at that moment and trying to get me to see, like, do your hair. And it was like, I don't remember what I did to cause that, but I remember what she said to me. Yeah. See, I feel like I'm your mom. I definitely say mean things. Well, and I tell you, like, be careful of that because I don't think it happened to you.

SPEAKER_05 32:25

Well, no, I think it did, and that's why I do it. Oh. You know? So I like um did the opposite. Well, Kevin Lehman, I was thinking I did the opposite, is like my mom was never there. So then I'm always there. Yeah.

The Words We Carry Forever

SPEAKER_04 32:35

But I'm almost helicopter. So it's so funny. I was gonna say this when we first sat down. I saw this thing on, I have like three things I want to say. I saw this thing on TikTok, because I love TikTok or Instagram, and it said, when you were the water, water only family, like at a restaurant, yeah. 10 drinks. Yeah, that's you. It is and Justin. Yeah. We order everything at the restaurant because we always had to order like the smallest meal and then a water. Yeah. And now we order everything, but but I think Kevin Lehman, I was thinking about this the other day because I was at Nationals. I was trying to tell the story and then we dodged. I was at Summit this weekend for Hudson's National or Cheer Comp, not Nationals, it's Summit, but there was a parent there that was struggling with her little boy, and it was like not toxic, but he was throwing a tantrum, he's young, he's hot, he's at a cheer thing, and she was like shaking him, like stop, because he's screaming and making a scene. Yeah, and I get that. I've been there too, but shaking him isn't gonna help him. It's he's frustrated, you're frustrated. Right. The best thing to do is like, hey, let's go in the shade, let's get you a water, let's take away the frustrating thing rather than both of us be more frustrated. And like he was hysterical crying, and he was mad and this and that. And I'm like, you guys are just making it worse. Yeah. But I thought to myself, I used to do the exact same thing, but luckily in a small group, we had Kevin Lehman, and Kevin Lehman teaches you like how to not respond. So I think I just you don't like those things as much, but I really dove into the podcast and dove into the book on like not reacting because he had good things.

SPEAKER_05 34:02

That's when we learned to throw in the pool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:04

But then I still like re-go back to him. Yeah. Because I can see when my habits start going back, I'll re-listen and then it lands like why it's so important to not react.

SPEAKER_05 34:14

Well, Ben and I, I think everyone can relate. Like, you have a kid that's more frustrating than like I think it's the personality clashing. Well, and I think they all pivot. Yeah. Like sometimes it's this one, then it's this one. And so I feel like for me, Ken and I clash more. And then for Ben, him and Bear clash. And then, so it's nice when you have the other parent. That's what stinks about being a single parent. Because I feel like, like last night, Ken was really ear being nasty when she got the Snapchat turned off because she wanted me to stop by and pick up a hair crimper from Regina's for her to crimp her hair, and it was taking too long because we were at football and then we had to get bare from baseball. So we didn't get home until 10 o'clock at night. And so she wanted the crimper and she was mad. And then I I didn't know where the shirt was she wanted to wear. So she was frustrated. Okay. And so she was taking it out on me, being nasty. And then Ben was like, Listen, when we get home, don't engage with her. Cause he knows that's when we start going. So I feel like it's good to have the other parent be like, don't do that. And we he helps me and then I help him with Bear because he gets really frustrated with Bear because Bear will push his buttons and I'm like, just walk away. You know, but it's hard when you don't have another parent there, yeah. Like to help you see that you're getting sucked in, you know? Yeah. So it's hard.

SPEAKER_04 35:25

Well, the verbal's hard. Like my mom, it was really hard. But like I said, when you go to the end, like those last days, I was like, okay, you know, I've I've openly have gone to like counseling to like work through, because I did have the food issues. She's called three times, just so everyone knows, while I'm talking. But um, I had to work through like all those voices in your head. That I think that's why I'm so powerful, big on like the things I tell myself. And even like Yeah, because you had negative voices.

SPEAKER_05 35:52

That's what remember that day we're talking, I'm like, I don't have those voices.

SPEAKER_04 35:55

I have so many of them. Yeah, I don't have that at all. And it was crazy yesterday at cheer practice. The girls are working on tucks and we're we're at Top Gun doing tumbling, and they're like, What is wrong with my tuck? Is it setting? Is it this? And I was like, There's nothing wrong with your tuck. You just gotta believe you can do it. And it sounds so dumb as a coach, right? Like, I should be like set. You know, there's five things to do in a tuck in a standing tuck. It's a really hard skill to get. Once you get it, you get it. But I'm like, it's you know all those things. Yeah. Now you just need to believe and stop questioning yourself. Yeah. Because what you're telling yourself is you don't have it every time you're saying, What am I doing wrong? Right. Instead, just be like, You're almost there. I got this. Yeah, almost there. So I just all I coached was that. Right. Believe you've got it.

SPEAKER_06 36:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:30

Tell yourself you can do it. I didn't tell her to set, I didn't tell her to this or that. And sure enough, two of them, both of them, hit their tuck after we told them to change the way they're thinking about it. Yeah. Like it's so crazy. But growing up, I did have a lot of that, even between I love my brother to pieces, and it's healthy joking. But that's why, like, even when we talk, I'm protective over what so-and-so says to the other kid. Cause I'm like, my, you know, dumb things I love my brother, and a lot of our listeners know my brother, but like it was dumb things like we'd see oversized load, and he'd be like, There's crystal. See, it's funny too. So funny. But like it's dumb, but you like even you calling me a mobile, like I'm joking, but like I know I feel, but like it's in my head now, and I keep telling myself, get it out, like you're fine. And then I but like it's so important the things you say or believe about anything, like it really, really affects things. Yeah. Like my brother, and then the other day we saw oversight load, and Broxton was like, oversight load. I was like, please don't say it about somebody. But you just don't realize when you don't have a combating positive force, right? It really starts to like, I've always seen myself as like overweight because that's what everybody always said I was. And then I look at pictures and I'm like, You were not overweight.

SPEAKER_05 37:37

Yeah, well, it's like crazy. But it's funny because in high school, like your body, honestly, it remaddie reminds me of you. Like I was so jealous of your body in high school. I was because I had really skin, skinny legs that had like no muscle. They were like flabby, skinny. And I used to be like so jealous of you and your legs. I'd be like, Crystal has the best legs. And I like thought you had the best body ever. So it's so weird because I never thought you were overweight. And they were always like telling me that stuff. So truly, like, you weren't. Like I was jealous of your body. And in college, too. Like I was always jealous. Oh, yeah. College I started.

SPEAKER_04 38:11

But isn't that funny? High school, Vicky was so positive with me. Like the way our coach was with me, and I hope I'm not in trouble for bringing your name up, but she was so positive in her interactions with me that like it took over. That's why I became so good. Yeah, that's why I became such a strong coach.

SPEAKER_05 38:27

So you're such a good coach, probably.

Stop Reacting, Start Leading

SPEAKER_04 38:28

Yes, because that one avenue changed my whole life. So I was, and my parents, like my mom was still can because she's getting that at home. No, but I do. I'm a very positive coach, but I'm strict. But when I attack, it's never a character. It's like you're better. Yeah. Like you can.

SPEAKER_06 38:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 38:44

And that's why Drew is a very good coach, is he does do that. And in people, mom.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Why am I getting left in this room? I don't know, mom.

SPEAKER_04 38:54

Go make a friend. I'm still on the podcast. You're on the air right now.

unknown 38:58

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 39:00

She said, oh shit. Oh my god. She's so funny. Speaking of.

SPEAKER_05 39:03

But you just love her so much. No, and I do think it's and she grew up.

SPEAKER_04 39:06

Her mom died in her arms at 16, drunk at a bar. My mom went and got her, and on the Seboy, she died in her arms. Like it, she's doing the best she can. And that's what was like so prominent that week. Um, that we're forgetting now, because my brother was very there for her that week, too. You're really grateful for your ending, but it's like crazy. All we have is our ending. Like, all we have is not the money and not the body and not the things. I know. All we have left at the end is like how we made people feel. And like all my best friends showed up for my mom. And I told Kyle this because we went home and Maddie's having two people spend the night. And I said, Kyle, what you're not seeing to me, it's so clear. Because my mom had an open door policy, because you were always allowed at our house, because Jen and Jen and Sarah were always at my house. Here on your last days, who shows up for you? Right. The people that you served. Yeah. Like the people you you know, like here, my mom doesn't have any friends because my dad was her best friend. Right. But all the people she took care of with me, right? All were there for her. Right. Like it's so crazy. That's all you have. It's not the money, it's not the body. Like her body's failing her. And she's skinnier than she's ever been. Yeah. Who cares? Like, it doesn't matter. Right? Like, my dad's not even here to enjoy it. And my dad thought she looked like that. We've always seen my mom as like so pretty. Yeah. Because she always acted so pretty, but she wasn't tiny.

SPEAKER_05 40:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:23

She just acted like she was. Yeah. But it's just a reminder because I think we all chase those things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 40:28

Like. Well, I seem shallow, but I'm not. And you know that.

SPEAKER_04 40:31

Well, our listeners are wondering now. Yeah. Well, I'm not. Because you compliment yourself and now you say you want money and to be anorexic. And I'm sorry for that.

SPEAKER_05 40:38

I do, but it's fine. I'm just gonna be myself. You always tell me, don't worry about what everyone thinks, just be yourself. I do love it about you because you say what people think. No, but I mean it, I just really don't think that. It's weird. I don't think that's what matters at the end of life. And I obviously know like what matters more on the inside.

SPEAKER_04 40:54

I think you grew up with no money.

SPEAKER_05 40:56

So you grew up with no security. Yes. So the idea of having more than an abundant amount. Being able to do things with my family. It's not like I want it to like be weird or buy things. I want to like be able to have like I love how your in-laws can take the whole everyone on a trip. Like that's my dream. I'm like to take my four kids and their whole families. You're already there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:16

But I'm saying- But my in-laws don't live a rich life, they live a very conservative life, even though they have more than enough. Yeah. So maybe I don't want to fly first class. That's what I'm saying. They don't doing that. They don't do that. They get they they're conservative in other areas to provide for their family. And they don't, they never chase the big money. And to me, they are the the goal. Like Bonnie and Lance, like their marriage, their family, everything they've done is perfect. Yeah. And and Bonnie isn't a word. That's where I get that from. Yeah. Actually. Yeah. Bonnie is an action.

SPEAKER_05 41:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:51

She never, because Kyle, they're all very confident.

SPEAKER_05 41:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:54

They they don't have all these issues. None.

SPEAKER_05 41:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:58

But Bonnie wouldn't say words. She did things. Like you didn't listen, you're in the corner. Yeah. But it wasn't like, why?

SPEAKER_05 42:03

How come you never listen? So I normally I just tell Ken, you're a brat, you're ungrateful, but I just turned a Snapchat off. And then I don't need to say me things. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 42:11

You can just But my point without Kevin Lehman, people don't know. Or like people telling them how to parent. You don't know. We are the new Kevin Lehman. We somebody needs to tell people don't react.

SPEAKER_05 42:22

Don't react. Do something. Don't react. It's very hard as they get older. I see for me when they were young, I didn't react a lot. No, you were very disciplined. But you're very you're not going to the party or and as they gotten older, I feel like it's easier to engage in dialogue. And obviously the relationship changes because they're like more your age. And like you can talk to them more straight. So I don't know. It's weird. Yeah, I become more talk. It's like, shut up.

SPEAKER_04 42:47

Yeah. See, and I'm not a talker in that way.

SPEAKER_05 42:49

Like, I am like, um, but I wasn't as good when they were younger at the problem answer. Like, well, and I'm a person, if someone tells me not to do something, I need to know why. Yeah. So like I always want the explanation. That's just me in like I always read the instructions. I'm very like or detail oriented. So for the kids, I feel like I need to explain why I'm doing this. Yeah. And they probably don't care.

SPEAKER_04 43:12

No, I think everybody cares, but there's also certain things that we you have to mind.

SPEAKER_05 43:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:17

Like sometimes I don't want to pay my taxes, but I have to. And I get why, but it doesn't make it better. Yeah. Like, yeah. So I think sometimes too, we don't want him so always, if I don't get an answer, then I'll just go. Yeah, sometimes you're not getting the explanation. You're not always getting the answer. And like sometimes Kyle will tell me we can't do something and it's very annoying. Yeah. But it's not a moment where I can ask why. Yeah. I have to learn to just shut up. Yeah. Gosh, that's hard. Yeah, shut up. I know. Speaking of in the marriage though, too, that's another thing too. I think we've we've had a lot of guidance on too. I think people that's like so at church this week, again, not being serio too serious, but it talked about how, like, when we we tell our stories, that's like our way of serving and and And helping people. And I did think about the podcast. And I was like, that's we don't know Jack about anything. We don't know anything. But we just can tell stories. Right. That maybe you are doing this too, or relatable. Yeah. Maybe I'm in the chair with Kyle now if he goes on the field tree. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it's just the relatableness. And some people have talked about it.

SPEAKER_05 44:18

No, it is, because the mom texted me about her son pooping in when he was younger, having to hold the poop at school, like Fox. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 44:25

Yeah. So we don't know anything. We're just telling our stories.

SPEAKER_05 44:27

But it is like people go through the same things. Yes. So it's nice because I'm like, it was nice hearing that from her. Yes. And I was like, yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_04 44:33

And that was always our goal, like the community of we're just trying to do it.

SPEAKER_05 44:37

So share it and make us filthy rich.

SPEAKER_04 44:38

No, I'm just kidding. I'm like kidding.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

Not really.

SPEAKER_04 44:43

No, it so we I I my whole feed is actually this like, I'm not a manifestation. I believe everything comes from God. Yeah. But I do believe like what you tell yourself matters. I have been winning at the casino, telling myself I have more than enough money, and I do say that. And you always win, and I'm always like, I'm not gonna win, and then I never win. Yes, but I have more than enough money. God always provides. I have enough money to share and give. I do go when I walk every day. I tell myself who I am. Yeah. Again, circling back to probably because no one told me who I was growing up, but I mean they did, but it's just different. Yeah, I don't do that. Yeah, I do every day. Like all the things I want. I want to be debt-free. I want to have a paid-off house. I'm gonna have more than enough money. I'm gonna be a leader. My team is so successful.

SPEAKER_05 45:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:25

I'm the best realtor.

SPEAKER_05 45:26

Maybe you're saying that about me, and that's why I am. Yeah, I know. I'm all yeah. Can you just start saying things to hair for me? She has more than enough money.

SPEAKER_06 45:33

She's just filthy rich.

SPEAKER_05 45:35

Filthy rich is just such a gross, like it sounds gross.

SPEAKER_04 45:38

Like, we're laying on the bed with smiles of dollars, you know? No, I just think it's the balance of it.

SPEAKER_05 45:45

I do think certain people, but it's crazy, like no, but I feel like some people, like, when I was like, I was like, oh, I want to, like, because I didn't have things, I think I always wanted to, oh, I would like to go on that, or I would like to do that. And so you pictured it. Yes. What you picture, you become. So, but it's funny because no, I think that's why I want it, you know? Cause I'm like, oh, I never got that. Like, I would be like, oh, someone is in first class, like that looks amazing. And then it's like, I want that, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:15

See, vacations are a thing that I used to see everybody going on vacations. And I was jealous. We were going to Laughlin. We were going to Indiana. I'm all see my grandparents, you know. Yeah. I don't want that. I know. I always thought that. I always wanted that. Like going out to dinner was something we didn't do a lot too. And I try to do that a lot. But every day I think you were and wonder if you're messing up your kids. Like, I like to go to bed early now. I've like getting like you. Like, I like to go in the room because then it's over. The day's over. Especially lately. The days have been really hard. So I'll like go in the room like a little earlier. And I'm always like, are my kids looking? I went to Jen's last night. And Ryan's like, she's always doing things. So like 10 o'clock at night, she doesn't sit down. I'm thinking, Oh shit. Oh shoot. I get home and like sit down.

SPEAKER_05 46:55

Oh, yeah, I'm all in bed. Like, you know, with Ben, we're like, leave us alone.

SPEAKER_04 46:59

We're watching Outlander. Yeah, no. No. And I was thinking, oh crap. Like Hudson had her friend over last night, and I like got home and still went in the room.

SPEAKER_05 47:06

Yeah, I saw her friend leaving.

SPEAKER_04 47:08

Yeah, it was like eight, and I was like, Yeah. Yeah. And um, I was like, should I be out there more? I think we all worry, but then that same thing, I'm like, what we tell ourselves matters, like you're doing a great job. Yeah. Like sometimes we forget to even do that. Yeah. Like I told the trail leaders, the whole world is gonna attack you. You have to tell yourself you're great.

SPEAKER_05 47:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:26

But we know you've got that handled.

SPEAKER_05 47:27

Yeah. She told me this story one day. She's like, yeah, and that voice tell me I'm not good enough. And I'm all, really? I don't have that voice. But I think it's like a blessing because you didn't have someone guiding you. Your mom, you were on your own. Yes. So you didn't have like someone telling you you suck either. No. So I learned, but I did a lot on my own. Like I remember at 14 taking my mom's Mercedes, and it was an old Mercedes, it wasn't like a nice one. But I remember taking that doesn't matter. Well, I don't want because I said I didn't have money, and then they're like, Yeah, Mercedes. Okay. But I remember taking my mom's car and going to pick my sister up from school because my mom was like asleep or something. And like my sister was six years younger, so she was what, eight? And I'm 14 driving. First of all, so illegal, so dangerous, like I would freak out. But I like had confidence because I did so many things on my own that I think that's why I have a strong inner voice. You had to be in the voice too. I am like, oh shoot, we're doing this. I don't know how to be a booster club president, but I'm like, I guess I'll figure it out. But I have like a inner voice of confidence because I did so many things. I figured it out. Yeah. And so that's why I think I don't have that negative.

Raising Kids Who Figure It Out

SPEAKER_04 48:37

It's funny because we were talking this weekend on the summit trip. Um there I'm realizing I do way too much for my kids. I'm like, dang, I don't want to rob them of their inner voice. This is my story because of that. So there's she might listen, but it's okay. There's a mom that always acts like I'm stupid. And um, sometimes when I'm somewhere, it was so bad this weekend, but it it like I kind of I'm not saying I play stupid, but like if I don't care about something, I do not care. Yeah, like I don't care about I'm not coaching at Top Gun. I trust the coaches, and they're thankfully not cheer obsessed. So I love it. And I'm not like Joe, like my kid needs this bow, this, this, this, that, this, this. I we're just not cheer obsessed. I think it's because we have multiple kids. Yeah, we're both. I'm not cheer obsessed. So like they're like, what about this? I don't read the group meet, I don't do all that, da-da-da. So this, they always act like I'm stupid. And I was talking to my good friend about like, I'm not stupid. I just don't, I care about three things right now. I've really learned, like, I can only be good at a certain amount of things. So my three things are right now, my family, cheer, and and work. That's really it. Right. That's those things I'm not, I'm not laid back. I'm not like I'm very involved in all those things. I have an opinion, I'm I'm in the no. The rest, uh it's too much. Yeah. So, um, and I said, and my kids, I play stupid with them too. So, like, I could do more for them. Yeah, but I like them to do it. Right. So I'll be like, oh, like today, Hudson had a field trip. And Tana texts this morning. Does Hudson go on a field trip? Hudson got up, got herself. Like, my kids are very independent because I have purposely not helped them. Right. Because my mom hasn't helped me in a lot. And I am confident, like, that I can figure things out because my mom wouldn't bail me out. Yeah. Like they were working and they didn't care, and they were very tough love. Like, you'll be fine. So I am very like that with my kids. Like, they'll always kind of sometimes be annoyed that I'm like the mom that's not like in the know, yeah, or like being like, Do you have your project? Do you need me to get a marker for you? Like, no, your project's on your own. Like, Brox was printing something last night, and he's like, printer won't work, blah, blah. And I was like, You'll figure it out. Yeah. Like, didn't help him, didn't do anything. And I mean, he'll figure it out. Hey, so but you're saying that, and I'm like, that is so good that you have learned because you are like that. And I think it is important as parents that we don't bail our kids out too much. Yeah. Because then they you're robbing them of confidence. I'm always bailing. Yeah, but you wanted someone to bail you out. I did. You know, so you're being what you thought.

SPEAKER_05 51:01

But I actually think Justin and But now I'm glad I never had that because I'm like, I don't need anybody.

SPEAKER_04 51:05

And Justin and I are both like very figure things out, and I think it's because they didn't, they wouldn't help us. And so I am like, and they were good parents in that regard. Yeah. So it's not like it was like a um, like, why'd they do this to me? It was like, ooh, they did good. Yeah. So that's why I do that. But yeah, I agree. Don't bail them out. Dang. Yeah. Let them like I am screwing them up, see?

SPEAKER_05 51:25

No, no, no, no. I think you're-I mean, I feel like it's no, you're not. I'm yelling at them and bailing them out. I'm all shoot. What am I doing right? No, your kids are amazing. I'm like, I don't need to be filthy rich to screw my kids. I'm doing it regular, Rich or regular money.

The Caterpillar Lesson On Struggle

SPEAKER_04 51:39

No, we need to go back to that confident voice. But there's this poem about the butterfly. I'm gonna end with this. And this I used to read it to the parents when I was coaching, but you're forgetting. And there was a butterfly that's what a worm, what is it before it's a butterfly? A caterpillar. A caterpillar. It's called the caterpillar. Look at it. A worm? A worm. I don't know. They look the same. They do look good. So this little boy saw a caterpillar in its cocoon struggling, and it was struggling to break the cocoon. And he felt so bad watching that that caterpillar struggle that he went up and he clipped it like a little bit to help it get open. What the boy didn't realize is by clipping that caterpillar's cocoon, he um the caterpillar could never be able to fly. Yeah. Because what the boy didn't realize is the struggle that that caterpillar had to go through to break the cocoon is what made his wing strong enough to be able to fly. And so when he robbed him of the battle, he robbed him of the confidence and the strength to fly. Yeah. And I always think of that. Like we only get these 18 years when they're in our house to help them grow, yeah, to get them strong so that they can be able to handle how hard life is on their own. Yeah. So build those wings. Your kids are amazing. You're a great parent. I my care kids sometimes they say, call Tisha. Tisha knows. So they wish they I was like you and in the know and knowing what's going on. Hudson's told me to drive like you the other day.

SPEAKER_05 52:54

I do get tough when it matters, though. Like I don't bail them out for like the real things when I'm obviously like they want to be billed out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:00

Every parent has 50 things they're doing right and 50 things they're doing wrong. That's my whole point with my mom, even. Yeah. Like it doesn't matter. At the end of life, she was a great mom. Yeah. And she did her very best and she made us great people. She taught us to serve. She loved you. You know she loved you. Yeah, like and I think there's something to that. Like we, I, when I go to counseling, it's because I want to be the best version of myself, but there is things that, yeah, it could have been done right or wrong, but also a big part of it is the way I took it. Yeah. It's not necessarily that they did things wrong, it's the way I internalize them. Right. That's what's so interesting about counseling, is it teaches your brain how to re-see something. Right. You might see it as the victim and said it's the victor. Like, yeah, that my mom wasn't trying to call me fat. She was trying to teach me to be healthy. Right. But the way I identified is she was always telling me I was fat. Yeah. Instead, I need to change that mindset of my mom wanted to be healthy and wanted me to be healthy. Yes. So it's all the way you see things.

SPEAKER_05 53:52

You interpret, yeah. And I have that with some of my kids. Like, I'm like, I'm I'm helping you, and you're choosing to feel like a victim right now. Exactly. And like that's your problem. I'm reading, you know, and I'm very big on too, maybe because of my own circumstance. Like, you can only blame your parents for so long. You gotta figure your stuff out. Like, everyone has screwed up families, everyone has things that happen. You have to be the one that chooses a good life for yourself.

SPEAKER_04 54:15

And most people, honestly, with screwed up families, go off and totally.

SPEAKER_05 54:19

And obviously, there's horrible things that happen to people. They're you know abused. But you gotta do the work to get yourself better.

SPEAKER_04 54:28

Because no one's gonna save you. No one's helping that caterpillar. No, you little but no, you're a good mom. Everyone's a good mom.

SPEAKER_05 54:35

No, there was last thing, and then we could be done. No, there were I sent it to our girls. It was like this thing on TikTok again. And it was like people say no one's coming to save you, and people don't know my mom. My mom's coming to save me, and if you're nice to me, then she's coming to save you too. And it was really cute. I know, see, and my my kids are sending that to you, probably. And it was like, as long as there's a breath left in her body, she's coming to save me. And it was like, it was cute though. Cause and it was like, and if you're nice to me, she's coming to save you too. And I was like, so I sent it to our girls.

SPEAKER_04 55:02

That's cute. See, you're doing great. But we all no, we all have voices in our heads, and I'm mobile.

SPEAKER_05 55:07

I know. They're gonna think I really called you mobile. I didn't say that. I said you're not very mobile. That's not nice. Immobile. Immobile is like with the windows. Not very mobile isn't nice. She was talking about a story, she jumped through the air, and I said, Yeah, and you don't normally do that. That's what I should have said. That's what you should have said. You don't normally jump through the air.

SPEAKER_04 55:25

She said, You're not very mobile.

SPEAKER_05 55:26

Yeah, and I should have said you don't normally jump through a big one. But again, the same point. It's the way I'm taking it. Yes, exactly. Yeah, you took it like I thought you were immobile and like some loser. And I'm I do have a bad knee. And I just meant, yeah, you have a bad knee, and you don't jump a lot.

SPEAKER_04 55:39

You're right. And you don't jump a lot. I don't jump a lot. Yeah. It's all in the way we take it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:43

Wow, we're really figuring things out.

SPEAKER_04 55:44

Yeah, finally. Let's have a good day. Let's go to the casino.

SPEAKER_05 55:47

No. Come on. No, I'm not doing that. I'm making a better choice. No, I eat bad, I gamble, I feel like a piece of shit. I don't want to feel like a piece of shit. You're right. It's like when you're going through a hard time, you have to make good choices. I know, you're right.

Make Deposits When Life Hurts

SPEAKER_04 55:57

So I'm reading this book, last thing, I was gonna say. And um, Kara Prudash actually asked me about it. It's a really good book. You're never gonna read it, but it's called Think This Not Bad. Yeah, I'm never reading that. So good. And it's about like victim to victor, it's about how we see ourselves. Like, I'm not someone that eats a donut. No. Right. And like the way you like see it. I'm not someone that takes an escalator. I'm someone that takes the stairs. Yeah. Like in the it's all that same thing. Yeah. It's really good. And it talks about how when you're picturing that this is a story, you're gonna tell people later. Yeah. Because you told me that about like this has been hard for me with my mom. Yeah. And you're like, think about it like a breakup, like a story. Like this is a mission.

SPEAKER_05 56:32

Yeah, like I think, and we always talk about this. When you're going through like a hard time, like when you're going through a breakup, you can't make bad choices. You can't be going out drinking, you can't be eating bad. Like you have to be doing all this. You gotta get in the fighter mindset. Yeah. And you gotta be making deposits. How do I do 75 hard? It's like the bank, deposits. So every time you keep a promise to yourself, you make a good choice, you're depositing. Right. And that will keep you strong through the breakup. Yes. So when you're drinking, you're calling your ex like it's loser. And this is and then you feel like a loser. Yes. And so I feel like you're going through a hard time with everything with your mom. So it's important you're not making the gambling and the other stuff bad choices because you're gonna be feeling worse. You're right. Where if if like when Jen Shrek, do you want to go for a walk and I said, How about dinner and drinks?

SPEAKER_04 57:12

Yeah. That was the wrong choice.

SPEAKER_05 57:13

But I mean, every once in a while it's fine. But like you have to if you start doing that, you're gonna be just feeling like the world is swallowing you up instead of like, okay, there's this one horrible thing I'm going through with my mom, but everything else is feeling good, so I'm able to tackle that.

SPEAKER_04 57:29

Yeah, after my dad, when I snapped into 75 Hard, it made it like a story. Yes. It made it like you got way better after that. I know I'm gonna do that again. I'm gonna start today.

SPEAKER_05 57:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 57:39

Maybe tomorrow. No, I'm just gonna. No, I can do today.

SPEAKER_04 57:41

I can fit into workouts.

SPEAKER_05 57:42

Yeah, because you already did one, right?

SPEAKER_04 57:43

No, I didn't today because I'd washed my hair.

Choosing Better Habits Starting Today

SPEAKER_05 57:45

Yeah. Well, all right. All right. I feel like today wasn't funny, but it was maybe helpful. It was it was great. I like a funny, but it's fine.

SPEAKER_04 57:53

Well, we can't. I think they're gonna laugh at how you want to be rich. It's awkward. I don't think anyone's laughing at that. They're like, don't comp be friends with her. I think they're like, I can't believe she said that out loud. And her husband's a financial advisor helping other people get rich, guys. If you need to go, help me, Ben. You know. See you later. Welcome to Jerkin Around, a podcast that makes you feel better about yourself because we're a mess, just like you. And Crystal makes fun of me. And it's great, and it's real.